In anticipation of Christmas, Inland 360 met with a group of popular elves to check in on their holiday plans and find out what theyre hoping to get from Santa this Christmas.
Inland 360: Ok, it looks like everyone is here, except we dont have anyone from Santas workshop with us today. I requested an interview, and the publicist said their demanding work schedule would keep them from attending but we could call in. Here, let me get that going...
Ernie Keebler: I brought cookies.
360: Of course you did. Go ahead and pass those around while we get one of Santas elves on the line. So Ernie, is this your favorite way to spread holiday cheer?
Keebler: Is there any other way to do it? Of course it is! Cookies bring cheer no matter the season. Here, have some more.
360: Now, how exactly do you make all of these in that tree of yours? It seems like the interior of a hollow tree wouldnt be an ideal place to bake.
Keebler: It is for elves. Its cozy and cheerful. We make cookies using elven magic, which is a term we use to avoid talking about proprietary information that were not at liberty to discuss.
360: I see. Weve got Hermey on the line now. Hi Hermey, thanks for taking time to join us today. How are things at the North Pole today?
Hermey: Well, let me tell you, its slow around the dental office these days. Youd think with all the sugar these elves stuff in their faces that theyd be lining up at my door but no, theyre all working overtime getting things ready for Christmas.
360: Youve left conventional elf work at the North Pole to pursue a dental career. Do you work in Santas workshop when it gets busy?
Hermey: I do. I oversee a special line of toys that no one wants, which are surprisingly popular. Most of us give or receive something from this line every year. Its a side job. My true passion is pulling rotten teeth.
360: Well let you get back to it. (Ends phone call.) How about the rest of you -- are you staying busy this holiday season? Elf on the Shelf?
Elf on the Shelf: This is really the only season I work, but yeah, lots going on.
Keebler: You must be tired. Have another cookie.
360: How often do you have to check in with Santa?
Elf on the Shelf: Oh. No, I dont work for Santa. I cant disclose who I work, for but the name is remarkably similar. Im sent to torment parents.
360: Torment? But youre cute, youre fun, the kids love you.
Elf on the Shelf: Yeah, thats how I do it. Kids love me. They go crazy for the whole idea. So the parents have to keep me around even though I drain their energy and add extra expectations to an already demanding holiday season. Makes them miserable. Its perfect, really.
360: Hmm, well I know some parents that have fun with you too.
Elf on the Shelf: Eh, theyre lying. That or theyve got way too much holiday spirit for anyones good. Some people are harder to torment than others.
Legolas: I do not wish to share a table with someone of such foolish nature. I have fought many battles and slain many orcs to defend against the torment of one kind over another.
360: Oh. I thought you werent sitting with us because were at a childrens table and youre are so tall.
Legolas: That as well. The elves of my land are quite tall.
(Door opens. Dwarf walks in, looks around.)
Grumpy the Dwarf: Uh...this isnt right. Do any of you know where the Dwarf Christmas Convention is? The dimwit at the front desk sent me here when I asked.
360: Check at the end of the hall.
Keebler: But first, do you want a cookie? (Grumpy glares, leaves.)
Legolas: Alas, humans in this realm possess such ignorance of those different from you. It is a lesson I have learned myself, for in Middle Earth I have walked with men, dwarves, hobbits and wizards whom I now call friends. I have hope your ways will change, as mine did.
360: Good thing youre not easily offended. Anyhow, Legolas, how are are your Christmas preparations going?
Legolas: Elves in Middle Earth do not have midwinter celebrations, but many men and hobbits do. I have been to a Yule feast in the Shire and have seen with my own elvish eyes how much food and drink the hobbits consume. It would feed me for the whole of winter.
360: Oh, so you dont do anything to help with the holiday season? I thought all elves celebrated Christmas?
Legolas: No, but if you ever need an archer to come your aid, you have my bow!
360: Well, anyway. One more question before we wrap this up: what are each of you hoping to get for Christmas this year?
Keebler: More people who will eat my cookies.
Legolas: That the people of your world would join together to defeat the darkness as the peoples of my world once did.
Elf on the Shelf: Im hoping to extend my reign to additional months beyond December.
360: Well, Santa has some big expectations to live up to. Thanks for coming in. This was a good conversation.
Keebler: And good cookies. Dont forget the cookies.