For those missing the voices of friends, family and community this holiday, Inland 360 readers have prepared a special song for you.
We challenged readers to rewrite the lyrics of a well-known holiday song or traditional carol for 2020. This week we present our favorites, songs we think best capture this moment in time and reflect the thoughts and feelings of countless people. They are best enjoyed sung aloud.
Two winners will receive a $25 gift card to a local business: Steve and Lucien Holmes of Clarkston for their version of “Ding Dong Merrily on High” and Daniel Bechtel of Moscow for “Carol of the Bells 2020.”
As always, thank you to everyone who took the time to send in their work. We even got a video (see “We’re Stuck at Home for the Holidays”).
"Ding Dong Merrily on High, 2020"
To the tune of "Ding Dong Merrily on High."
By Steve and Lucien Holmes, Clarkston
(Hope and expectation)
Ding dong merrily on high
Is that my doorbell dinging
Ding dong merrily on high
To my front door I'm springing
Glo-o-o-o-o-o-ria
Jehovah's Witness ringing.
(Commercialism)
Ding dong merrily on high
More ads to sink your teeth in
Ding dong merrily on high
The prices have us seethin'
Glo-o-o-o-o-o-ria
Now Christmastime is heathen.
(2020 Malaise)
Ding dong merrily on high
These end times aren't desirous
Ding dong merrily on high
Nobody now will hire us
Glo-o-o-o-o-o-ria
We have coronavirus.
(Distractions)
Ding dong merrily on high
We'll have a turkey dinner
Ding dong merrily on high
My waistline is not thinner
Glo-o-o-o-o-o-ria
Who was the bowl game winner?
(Chaos)
Ding dong merrily on high
The kitchen smoke is murky
Ding dong merrily on high
The dog ate all the turkey
Glo-o-o-o-o-o-ria
Now all that's left is jerky.
(Surrender)
Ding dong merrily on high
Drunk uncles there are many
Ding dong merrily on high
More booze there isn't any
Glo-o-o-o-o-o-ria
Let’s just go eat at Denny’s.
“Carol of the Bells 2020”
To the tune of “Carol of the Bells.”
By Daniel Bechtel, Moscow
Shoppers in rows
For grills and hoes
At Home Depot
And Costco.
Before it snows
And stores are closed
Porch pirates here
Stealing your cheer.
Ding-dong, ding-dong
That is the song
Hooligans ditch
It’s such a ... (Oh, oh, ah).
Santa is near
COVID strikes fear
From everywhere (from everywhere)
Filling the air.
Oh, how they floss (Oh, how they floss)
Packages tossed
Onto your porch
With greatest force.
Bitter cold sting
While Rudolph drinks all your good beer
Christmas is here.
Scary, Scary, Scary, COVID Christmas
Hairy, Hairy, Hairy, Hairy Christmas.
On on they send
On without end
Their coughing tones
To every home.
Ah, ah, ah.
Ding-dong, ding-dong.
Ding-dong, ding-dong.
Bark goes the dog (Bark goes the dog)
Lost in thick fog
All hope is gone (All hope is gone)
Car’s in the lawn
(Stuck until the light of dawn).
Christmas is here
Hold family dear
We’re almost through
This year’s been poo.
Oh hear the sound (Oh hear the sound)
New Year abounds
O’er this year’s fail
Ending this tale.
Daily News brings
News of all things
Christmas is here.
Scary, scary, scary, COVID Christmas
Hairy, hairy, hairy, hairy Christmas.
On on they send
On without end
Credit card bills
Giving us chills.
Ah, ah, ah.
“(We’re Stuck at) Home for the Holidays”
To the tune of "(There's No Place Like) Home for the Holidays."
By members of the Cherry Sisters Revival: Gary Scheer, Tracie Breslford, Connie Steiger; Pullman. See the band perform the song on YouTube at: www.bit.ly/360stuckathome.
Oh, we’re stuck at home for the holidays
This year we can't gather; we can't roam
When you long for the sunshine of a friendly gaze
For the holidays you can’t leave home, sweet home.
I Zoomed a man who lives in Tennessee, and he was longin' for
Pennsylvania and some homemade pumpkin pie
From Pennsylvania folks miss travelin' down to Dixie's sunny shore
From Atlantic to Pacific
Gee, the lockdown is horrific.
When we're shopping for groceries at our local store
We wear masks and we stay six feet apart
But there’s always that one jerk at the super mart
He’s got a mask on, but his nose is hangin’ out.
We used to eat out in the restaurants
But now we just order take-a-way
No longer can we linger over pork chow mein
For the holidays, there’s just one place we stay.
Oh, we’re stuck at home for the holidays
This year we can't gather; we can't roam
When you long for the sunshine of a friendly gaze
For the holidays you can’t leave home, sweet home.
I Zoomed my neighbor who lives right next door
She was telling me she hasn't hugged her folks in nine long months or more
And my own children haven't seen my face, except on their iPhone screens
Let me be specific
This lockdown is horrific.
Oh, we’re stuck at home for the holidays
No matter how much we want to roam
When we long for the sunshine of a friendly face
For the holidays — we're stuck; stuck here at home
For the holidays — we're stuck in our damn home.
“COVID The Nasty Virus”
To the tune of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer."
By Karen Karpman, Pullman
COVID the nasty virus
Frightened everyone in sight
Spreading its toxic payload
Every day and every night.
All of the people scattered
Wearing masks or staying home
Missing their friends and loved ones
Told it wasn't safe to roam.
Then the clouds began to part
When Fauci came to say,
“Vaccines will be flowing soon
And you'll be on your way.”
All of the people smiled
Thinking of the coming year
Streets would be filled with patrons
Young and old would have no fear.
Still this year's woes will haunt us
Empty places in our hearts
Hope lessons learned will save us
If and when the next plague starts.
“Oh Amazon”
To the tune of “Oh Christmas Tree.”
By Cheryl Flory, Lewiston (*See author note below.)
Oh Amazon, oh Amazon
How lovely are your boxes
Oh Amazon, oh Amazon
How lovely are your boxes.
Delivery comes just in time
To make the day for Christmastime
Oh Amazon, oh Amazon
How lovely are your boxes.
Let us in times of quarantine
And masks and social distancing
Remember that the gifts you bring
Show heartfelt love and caring.
*Caution: Only sing out loud in a family pod, or socially distanced in an outdoor venue with a mask of two layer, tightly woven, cotton material or an N95 mask. Singing alone to the moon in the backyard at night is acceptable, but probably not to the neighbors. Merry Christmas.
“Covi, the Big Bad Virus”
To the tune of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.”
by Julie Garton-Good, Lenore
Covi, the big bad virus
Hurt a lot of folks this year
No remorse and no regretting
Ruthless dude, evoking fear.
Some folks, they thought him folly
Just another “fake news” game
When people started dropping
Reality hit — he was NOT tame!
Then one cold and wintry night
He picked up his speed
When death numbers climbed way up
Covi grabbed a fateful lead.
All disease can be quite scary
Morphing into mystery
Covi, the big bad virus
You’ll go down in history!
“All I Want for Christmas is a New Vaccine”
To the tune of “All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth.”
by Mary Flores, Moscow
(Author note: The first verse is rarely recorded, but it is part of the original.)
Everybody stays 6 feet from me
My two front teeth are gone but you can’t see
Behind my mask, some teeth are absentee
But still I wish from this face mask to be free.
All I want for Christmas is a new vaccine
A scientific vaccine
An FDA-approved vaccine
Gee, if I could only have a safe vaccine
Then I could visit you at Christmas!
It’s been so long since I could see
If you are smiling back at me
Gosh, oh gee, how happy I’d be, to smile in reciprocity!
So
All I want for Christmas is a new vaccine
A scientific vaccine
An FDA-approved vaccine
Gee, if I could only have a safe vaccine
Then I could visit you at Christmas!
“I’ll Be Home for Christmas 2020”
To the tune of “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.”
By Teresa Groom, Grangeville
I’ll be home for Christmas
Sadly you will, too
We’ve been here almost a year
Caused by this COVID flu.
Christmas Eve we’ll all be
Home and quarantined
We’ll be home for Christmas
Oh, bring us the vaccine!
